


Security

by Oliver__Niko



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Aftercare, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Dom Sylvain Jose Gautier, Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Light Angst, Light Bondage, M/M, Panic Attacks, Romance, Safeword Use, Sub Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver__Niko/pseuds/Oliver__Niko
Summary: Sometimes, what Felix wants isn't what he can handle, but it always turns out okay in the end.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	Security

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I was suddenly hit with and wrote spontaneously! I usually avoid writing people using safewords for a number of reasons, but I wanted to showcase Felix's panic. Hope you enjoy!

It always starts well.

Rarely do their lips meet, falling into their roles, and Felix immediately thinks,  _ get me out of this.  _ If he isn’t in the mood, even if he struggles to be vocal about it, Sylvain can always tell. He’s too tense. He avoids Sylvain’s eyes, and not in a way that’s from shyness, or from the nerves expected in how they lay together. Whatever it is, Sylvain will know. And he will stop.

Due to how it’s obvious when Felix doesn’t want something, he is typically comfortable. There is little else to be with Sylvain. For a man who spent so much time chasing women, so seemingly a heartbreaker, he is … kind. Painfully kind, careful. Patient in a way that Felix almost struggles to understand.

Because, in his eyes, he is nothing short of a nuisance in what they have.

The kissing is nice.  _ More  _ than nice, although Felix is not exactly one to be good with words. His eyes close, hand trembling slightly as it grasps onto the bottom of Sylvain’s shirt, although it’s the good kind. Being with Sylvain has allowed him to see that not all nerves are negative.

Those kisses against his neck are no less welcoming, his head leaning back as fingers tug down the collar of his turtleneck to reach more skin. He shivers from the breath against his ear. Ready, in his eyes, when Sylvain says into his ear, “I want to give you everything you want.”

And Felix is sure about what he wants. When Sylvain retrieves the ropes, his eye catching Felix’s, the latter nods. When Sylvain orders, “Put your wrist against the headboard,” he does so without hesitation. With a skip of his heartbeat, yes, but that is normal. It’s from excitement. It’s from knowing he can allow Sylvain to do this, and he’ll be safe throughout.

The iron bar is cold against his skin. His head leans back again as Sylvain begins to loop the rope around his wrist to the headboard. That’s okay as well. As it should be, and is as such every time.

On his way to the other side, Sylvain stops in front of Felix, simply to brush his lips against Felix’s cheek as he passes. Felix’s other wrist is pressed against the headboard without question. “Good boy,” is what Sylvain says, and Felix feels … warm. As he would, when he knows he can give Sylvain what he wants, exactly as much as Sylvain gives Felix what he needs.

He’s short of breath as the rope is looped around his second wrist. Which is something else that is usually normal, except … It’s harsher this time, perhaps. He isn’t sure. But his chest is certainly tight, and every time that restraint tightens, he—

No. It’s fine. It’s simply been a long day on the battlefield, and watching the deaths of men under their command is always indescribable. And this always helps afterwards.

Fingers slip beneath the ropes to test their tightness. Sylvain settles back down, hands trailing down Felix’s cheeks, the slightest smirk as he tilts Felix’s head up.

And he loves it. He always does. But still, his breathing, the compression on his chest, his racing heartbeat … It’s not the same, and no matter how much he brings this away from his face, he cannot stop how he feels inside.

“Taking your time, aren’t you?” he manages to get out, without a shake in his voice. 

“Eh, just appreciating the view. And watch your tongue.”

It’s enjoyable. There’s nothing different there. When Felix tugs lightly on the ropes, that is good as well, it  _ all  _ is, and yet he … he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why he always has to be this complicated, so much so that he never really understands himself.

Sylvain lifts the blindfold next. His eyes meet Felix, and he nods again, breath hitching as darkness hits his vision and—he likes it. He does, he  _ does,  _ but he thinks he might choke when a finger trails down his chest and—

“So, Felix, what shall we—”

“Glenn.” The safe word exits his lips before anything else, for he can’t find himself able to say more than a single syllable.

And he hates himself almost immediately, because it should only be as a last resort, he should be able to speak, communicate, but instead he had to say something which has caused Sylvain to tear away the blindfold immediately.

“Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay.” All essence of the tone used for their play has vanished, and these words manage to bring the tears trickling down Felix’s face to his attention. “Stay still and don’t struggle.”

Felix nods, eyes closed even now they’re free again. The rope around his right wrist is loosened immediately. The same is done to his other. And despite how desperately he wants to fall into those arms, his now free hands are on Sylvain’s chest to urge him to stay back.

He understands. “Breathe in, and out.” He’s calm, so calm, which only makes Felix feel all the more guilty. “In, out.”

Over and over, Felix breathing in time with his words, and the more these breaths regulate and his head spins a little less, the more he can begin to comprehend why he panicked. Vulnerability. Exposure. Two common things he’s built himself up to with what they do together, and in this moment couldn’t give, because … what is the reason, when this is what he has wanted the moment they returned to the monastery? When for days, he has woken up in the morning, unable to look in the mirror?

“That’s it.” Sylvain’s thumb rubs lightly over Felix’s knee. Not properly, not yet. “You’re fine. You’re safe.”

Ah. That’s it. Perhaps he’s not as able to bear that as much as he thought, no matter what he is yearning for.

“I’m sorry,” Felix ends up saying, wiping at his eyes.

“What are you saying sorry for? If anything,  _ I  _ should be sorry for not noticing.”

Felix shakes his head. No, that’s not his fault. Felix didn’t know himself he needed to stop, not until his outburst took over and all he could think of was … escape.

“Let’s go through what has happened,” Sylvain says once Felix is breathing a little better, and his eyes are open. “Was it something I did?” Felix shakes his head. Never. “Okay. Was it something you felt?” A nod. Always. “You thought you wanted this, but something stopped you?”

“I felt exposed,” Felix finally manages to say. Such simple words, which might not say anything to almost everyone.

But Sylvain isn’t everyone, and he nods, hands taking a blanket folded up on the bed. He pulls it around Felix’s shoulders, ensuring to not touch Felix himself. Not until he says he’s ready. For now, he pulls on the end of the blanket to bring it around himself, and finally manages to release a full, deep breath.

“Dysphoria?” Sylvain says, voice still gentle. Felix hums. “It wasn’t from me touching your chest, was it?”

Felix shakes his head. Sometimes, he does become slightly tense from being touched there, even after surgery—force of habit, he reckons. But never enough to get Sylvain to stop.

“I think it was feeling exposed in general,” says Felix. “And … like I couldn’t hide any part of myself. I know that’s weird.”

“Not weird, Felix.” Sylvain is smiling, and he holds his hand out on the bed. An invitation, not forced. “Never weird at all. I’m just glad it wasn’t me. I panicked for a moment there, considering you never usually need to use a safe word.”

“Sorry. I know it should be a last resort.”

“Hey. If that was a moment you needed it, then that’s that. There’s nothing wrong with using it.”

Felix nods. He should know that, really. It’s why they have it at all. But still. When Sylvain is so _ good  _ for him, does everything right, and Felix is simply … like this, it’s difficult to not feel as though he made a mistake.

Or is one, for that matter. Even though Sylvain always says otherwise, and Felix berates Sylvain whenever he feels similar.

Felix takes the hand resting on the bed. “I was enjoying myself,” he continues. “I think I just underestimated how bad I’ve felt.”

“No worries at all, sweetheart. And you know that we can always do things without sex as well.”

“Mm. I know.” The fingers on Felix’s spare hand reach for the thin chain around his neck, and in an instant, as he feels that coolness of metal in contrast to the warmth of Sylvain’s hand, and he makes eye contact at last, he can say he feels calmer.

Sylvain notices, and he smiles. “Are you okay for me to hug you, now?”

Felix hadn’t been sure he  _ was  _ ready, but now he has been asked, he can nod and have it be the full truth. His eyes close as Sylvain’s arms wrap around him, his head resting against the other’s shoulder with a sigh. Yeah. That really is okay.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Felix,” Sylvain continues, stroking over the back of Felix’s head. “Not at all. It doesn’t make you a bad partner for having moments you have to back out immediately”

“I did make you panic, though.”

“Yeah, but that’s silly ol’ me. You know that I get terrified over the thought of ruining what we have.” Lips find the top of Felix’s head. “That’s nothing you have to be guilty over. You know I cherish you and what we have, and all you’ve pushed yourself to give to me. Having moments like this doesn’t change that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

At last, Felix manages a smile. His arms loop around Sylvain’s neck, bringing him closer. Yeah. It really doesn’t change anything at all, if Sylvain nuzzling into the side of Felix’s head, the slight tightening of their embrace, is anything to go by.

They remain there for a time Felix doesn’t quite know. He only truly notices his swirling thoughts easing, and his heart finally returning to a more normal pace. It’s quite incredible that something so simple can do this.

Although it wouldn’t be that way, if there wasn’t so much to Sylvain that allowed Felix to trust him.

So, so much trust.

“Sylvain?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

It’s enough for Sylvain’s head to lift, pushing Felix back slightly to stare at his face. The expression of surprise is replaced by a warm smile. “I love you too, moonlight. So then,” Sylvain adjusts the blanket around Felix, closing a slight gap between either side, “what is it that you’d like to do, now?”

Felix is silent for a moment, realising his answer doesn’t require much debate. “Despite … all that, I want to stay here. With you.”

“Would it bore you  _ terribly  _ if we read my book, while I had you here with me?”

With a shake of Felix’s head, he retrieves said book from the night-stand, popping it into Sylvain’s hand as he settles his head on the other’s shoulder. “Knock yourself out, nerd.”

Sylvain chuckles, his arm looping around Felix. Safe, secure, as he opens that book and their eyes follow the same words. Even though Sylvain reads them aloud anyway, voice soothing and warm and … everything Felix needs.

Though he listens, his mind is distracted by how much truth there is in the word ‘love’.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, perhaps consider leaving a comment, and feel free to find me on @nikobynight where I post art and talk about Sylvix a lot!


End file.
